Where I've been the last couple of days.

Sorry I've been missing lately guys, I had a rather amusing accident on Monday morning and have spent the last couple of days visiting a couple of different hospitals.
I have some serious burns to parts of my body I'd rather not discuss, but probably will because it's so hilariously funny.

I hope you are okay Zip.

Yeah, I'm fine, just be off work the rest of the week at least while I heal up.
On the plus side my doctor is totally hot, and fondled my junk!

You are such a pussy faggot! You probably t-bagged a cup of boiling water just to see what you could brew up and I bet you offered it to Baldrick as well, telling him it was the best ayahuasca ever!

I have to apologise for my week-long absence, too, but it had nothing to do with t-bagging scalding, flesh burning water or anything else sexual.

Zero Point wrote:Yeah, I'm fine, just be off work the rest of the week at least while I heal up.
On the plus side my doctor is totally hot, and fondled my junk!

Which means he doesn't have a beard, or, if he does, it's not too grey, yet affords something to grip onto.

My intuition must be on overload..yesterday I meant to post about using egg whites on burns, but forgot to do it. Read about this teenager who was horribly burned and some lady told everybody to get as many eggs as possible and proceeded to douse this guy with them. Instead of scars the teenager's skin grew back soft like a baby's butt. So I,ve tried this remedy myself twice and it works like a charm. You don't even have pain from the burns the next day. Not sure if this would work for your burns after the fact, but it wouldn't hurt to try. Then you of course cook the egg yokes for your eating pleasure.

I read a study in Australia where they used honey instead of "traditional" burn therapy for 3rd degree burns which had the same result. Obviously, this study was not greatly publicised.

As an aside, honey is a natural antibiotic and New Zealand Manuka honey is purportedly the best.

Haha, no my doc is late 30s, blond, totally hot, and FEMALE.
And she's put these silver impregnated dressing thingos on the affected (ahem) areas, so I'm at the mercy of modern science I suppose.
And yeah, I've read about manuka honey, we use it on the kids when they get scraped up.

How the fuck did you burn your junk?

Grill accident? Whatever happened, it sounds painful. Heal fast!

OK. Since you asked, I'll tell ya:
I was driving to work, and decided to fill my travel mug with hot (near boiling) tea from my thermos in the dark while doing 100km/h on the freeway.
I placed the mug in my groin, and tilted the thermos.... and the damn lid came off, glugging about half of it into my crotch.
I couldn't just stop, as there were cars all around me, so it took a minute to pull over and get my fucking pants off, during which I sustained some pretty horrific burns.
Just goes to show ya kids, don't do stupid shit, or you'll end up with a pretty doctor taking photos of the burns on your crotch for posterity.

Zero Point wrote:OK. Since you asked, I'll tell ya:
I was driving to work, and decided to fill my travel mug with hot (near boiling) tea from my thermos in the dark while doing 100km/h on the freeway.
I placed the mug in my groin, and tilted the thermos.... and the damn lid came off, glugging about half of it into my crotch.
I couldn't just stop, as there were cars all around me, so it took a minute to pull over and get my fucking pants off, during which I sustained some pretty horrific burns.
Just goes to show ya kids, don't do stupid shit, or you'll end up with a pretty doctor taking photos of the burns on your crotch for posterity.

Is a Darwin award on the cards any time soon?

Your Mom wrote:

Zero Point wrote:OK. Since you asked, I'll tell ya:
I was driving to work, and decided to fill my travel mug with hot (near boiling) tea from my thermos in the dark while doing 100km/h on the freeway.
I placed the mug in my groin, and tilted the thermos.... and the damn lid came off, glugging about half of it into my crotch.
I couldn't just stop, as there were cars all around me, so it took a minute to pull over and get my fucking pants off, during which I sustained some pretty horrific burns.
Just goes to show ya kids, don't do stupid shit, or you'll end up with a pretty doctor taking photos of the burns on your crotch for posterity.

Is a Darwin award on the cards any time soon?

You could certainly vote me "most likely to receive" one.

Time to get a facepalm smiley. If any thread needs it, this one does.

Holly Golightly wrote:Time to get a facepalm smiley. If any thread needs it, this one does.

Jeez. I get no sympathy fucking ANYWHERE.

If you think we're gonna kiss it better ...

Why aren't you at work?
Have you got a day off or something?
Slacker!

And there's me working 24 hours ...

... per month. Seriously!

Your Mom wrote:Why aren't you at work?
Have you got a day off or something?
Slacker!

And there's me working 24 hours ...

... per month. Seriously!

I was thinking about going back yesterday, but all the bending and shit I have to do would just tear my dressings straight off, and fuck me up.
Going back on Monday though, I can't afford to be injured.

Zero Point wrote:

Holly Golightly wrote:Time to get a facepalm smiley. If any thread needs it, this one does.

Jeez. I get no sympathy fucking ANYWHERE.

Yeah you do, I feel very bad for you right now. I hope you are feeling better. Next time ask the Doc to kiss it better. I think that works better than bandages. Just sayin....

He knows this; he's just been economical with the truth. Perhaps his doctor was once blonde, but the position of the camera was a real give away.

This is the sort of shit I did when my testosterone count was higher than my IQ; I'm super surprised I'm still here. I've been this close to a Darwin award on so many occasions, but, FFS, survival instincts usually prevail unless you deserve to be extinguished from the gene pool, or, at least prevented from furthering it.

Lucky!

aussie wrote:

Zero Point wrote:

Holly Golightly wrote:Time to get a facepalm smiley. If any thread needs it, this one does.

Jeez. I get no sympathy fucking ANYWHERE.

Yeah you do, I feel very bad for you right now. I hope you are feeling better. Next time ask the Doc to kiss it better. I think that works better than bandages. Just sayin....

Lol... I'm seriously out of commission for the foreseeable future.

You feeling any better? I hope you are if still planning to go back to work tomorrow.

Nope. Can't even put my pants on yet.
Getting a bit depressed actually, this is putting my plans down the shitter.
Thanks for that though aussie!

Now that I know you can't put your pants on, I'm feeling really sorry for you! Kinda reminding me of my first birthgiving..if that's even a word. A fan helped a lot.